Monday, July 23, 2007

Even Mommies Have Melt Downs

Over the past few weeks, my stress level has been building and today it erupted like a geyser. Lately, I have been like that bucket of water that is full to the brim and then a slow steady rain starts and as the drops come, the bucket slowly begins to overflow. But then the rain becomes steadier and steadier and suddenly the water is pouring out of the bucket in torrential rivers.

It wasn't one big thing that finally did me in. It was a million little ones. The stress of moving to a new city and making all of the arrangements for the move and for school. And selling and keeping the house here clean. And arranging financing and insurance. The pressure I put on myself to be the perfect mom. And everything else in between. It just finally got the best of me. So when I received an email from my realtor asking me to make a decision about the pricing of our house, it just finally made that bucket overflow. And overflow. And overflow.

So the kids are all standing around looking at me like I have lost my mind as I cry in front of the computer. And then I call my dad because he is one of the only people who can talk me through my tough times and I think I have it all together and then I start crying again. And as I cry a funny thing happens. The kids all start to become concerned about me and it's like they want to make my pain go away. Holden comes over and hugs me tight. Harrison gives me kisses. And Haley stands there not sure what to do even though I know she really wanted to make it alright.

I continue to talk to my dad and I pulled myself together. When I got off the phone, I walked past Haley's bathroom and there is Harrison with the toilet brush and Comet, cleaning the toilet. I stop to ask him what he's doing and he says "Me and Holden are helping you clean so you don't have to cry". Which of course made me cry again. But really this time it was because I felt so loved. Just by that small gesture from a 4 year old. And as I am crying, Holden comes up the stairs with a pile of shoes and toys to put up. Without being asked!

So I sit them down and explain that sometimes Mommies get tired and that when they have a lot of things on their minds sometimes it just gets to be too much for them. It makes me feel bad that I don't always have myself pulled together like I should. But then again maybe it's not all bad because it let's them know that it is okay to be vulnerable. And that everyone needs to let it go sometimes. And that even Mommies have meltdowns.

5 comments:

Tricia said...

Oh my dear Becky....I needed such a sweet laugh with a gentle tear!!! You know you are a great mom to see your children having empathy and concern for you!!! We could have gotten together and screamed honey!! Hope tomorrow (er...today) is a better day! HUGS!

Sandy said...

Awww, Becky. I know what kind of stress you are under right now and it is o.k. for you to have a meltdown and it is o.k. for the kids to see it. When things like this happen the kids realize that we are human too, not just super-moms. My kids are the same way when they see me have a meltdown, they want to show me love and help me out. It is really sweet that they can show that kind of love. Today will be a better day for you, I know that will :) Keep your chin up and know that I am here for you. Love you girl!!!

Becky Woods said...

Thanks to my girlies. You are the best!

Heather Leigh said...

My meltdowns usually erupt in the form of Yelling and Screaming, and I definitely displace my anger more often than I'd care to admit. So, I think tears are a much better form of emotional eruption. :-) And it IS good for our kids to see us cry now and then.

Donna said...

wow i haven't checked in here in a while i guess... and for that my friend i'm truly sorry... i would have given you the virtual hug as well...
your children know you are human... they see it... and that's a good thing...
see you are doing it right... it shows in those wonderful kids of yours...
luvs ya